2005 Hall of Hate - Inductee No.1

So here we go. Number 1, so far on the 2005 Hall of Hate is: The Ha! Ha! Bar, Weekday Cross, downtown Nottingham. Lando C and I went here on Saturday to grab some dinner in time for the Panthers Hockey Game. Didn't I just wish that I'd waited for the dog-burger at the Ice Stadium instead?

Mistake number one - just because there is a bright pink, nicely printed cocktail menu on each table, do not think that this means there is necessarily anyone behind the bar capable of making one. The poor guy ("Sorry - I'm new today, and they left me running this bar on this busy Saturday afternoon") had to get the Manager, who got round to making it about 15 minutes later and left it on the bar, despite saying they'd bring it over.

Mistake number two - just because there is a nicely designed A-board outside promoting the establishment as a Health Bar, supplemented by (again) bright pink printed flyers telling us to "Detox as we Dine", do not think that this necessarily means that you are entering a healthy environment full of punters still hooked on their New Years Resolution. If you can, try to find a clean table through the K2 pile of ashtrays, pint glasses and cigarette smoke. The "Ha! Ha! Health Bar". Yeah right. More like Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Mistake number three - just because the menu claims to have taken inspiration from across the globe, conjuring up a mouth-watering winter menu in a microwave free zone, do not think that this necessarily means that your dinner wasn't already sitting on the side, overcooked and ready to be dished out in a matter of minutes. We managed to get a steak (wrestle with the gristle) burger, Tempura chilli onion rings with home-made tzatziki (don't you mean just "Onion Rings") and a Ha!Ha! Japanese platter, in less time than it took to serve our drinks. I will actually say that the fresh salmon coated with sesame seeds part of the platter was OK, but everything else had been nuked with natural ingredients and love, a week last Thursday.

Not once did any of the serving staff approach us to see if we were happy with our meal. Not once in the 45 minutes we were there did any staff clear away any plates/glasses or ashtrays from any of the tables. Too busy laughing in the kitchen I imagine.

And how much did this all cost. It was over £30.00.

We'd been had. I can't stop repeating in my head my buddy at the game whilst stuffing a delicious £2.95 Hot Dog down his throat, "The Ha! Ha! Bar - well the joke was on you!". And indeed it was.

Welcome Ha! Ha! You've made it! You are officially inducted to the Paradise Circus 2005 Hall of Hate. Well done.